


White Clouds

by Kaisbeast (Sugashadingyou)



Series: Tomorrow Never Dies [6]
Category: the GazettE
Genre: Autism, M/M, Memory Loss, Veeery slight kaiki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 05:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10633311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugashadingyou/pseuds/Kaisbeast
Summary: "The nurses wear blue, like the sky, and the doctors are like those white, fluffy clouds up in the sky."KaiKi :3~Tomorrow Never Dies is a series of GazettE drabbles, where I'll write about every gaze-pairing! If you want me to write about a pairing, write a comment with the couple (or threesome or whatever), the theme and anything else you want to see in the drabble!Send me your ideas! Help me writing! ♥





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I intended to make this a reituki but it somehow didn't match. Besides, Kaiki is cute.   
> I'll explain everything at the end, so for now I hope you like it!   
> ♥

People’s lives are usually limited to what they know. Well, there is a common sense of freedom in everyday activities. You choose your favorite route from home to work, your favorite restaurant, your favorite band, your favorite color; but are those actual choices? You’re not actually free to choose between things if you don’t really know everything there is to know, but you also can’t know everything because things are constantly changing. It’s a paradox.

However, when you’re whole world is limited to a hospital bedroom that never changes you have the knowledge of everything around you. And yet you didn’t choose to be there. You know nothing.

Do you even know who you are?

Your head is so silent - but not quiet - yet completely filled with the things that are missing, and amongst those things there you lie. You see yourself in the bathroom mirror but you could just as well be anyone else and you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Because the difference also lies within the missing parts of your mind and you feel like it was supposed to hurt, but it doesn’t. You already know everything about your world, so there’s no point on thinking about anything else.

However, there is something… Something?

Someone?

And white clouds?

White clouds and someone, you’re sure of it.

_The nurses wear blue, like the sky, and the doctors are like those white, fluffy clouds up in the sky._

Oh, so that was it about the white clouds. And the voice was probably your own, but it’s not like you could tell.

_I’ll be the only white cloud you’ll see, so you don’t have to worry about meeting anyone you don’t know, okay?_

But there are different types of white clouds. Some are brighter, some are darker, just like the blue changes too. And when it’s dark there isn’t white at all.

_There’s the moon and the stars. Which  do you want to be?_

They’re not white. They flash blue and red all the time but they’re not actually blue and red either. The part of the day when the things get dark is a waste of their colors. 913 things that shine. It’s how much you can see from the place where light comes.

If you have to choose, you want to be the first thing that shines when the sky starts to get dark.

_Would you like to be the moon? Hmm… A star, then. What about the star that shows up at twilight? When the sky is full of different colors._

White cloud is so smart. He knows what you want.

So it’s not your own voice, after all.

_So Takanori-kun is Venus! And I`ll be the moon then!_

But it goes away... It gets bigger, then smaller, then it goes away and away and away and away and away… Where does it go?

_I love the moon… What about you, Takanori-kun?_

It goes away…

_Well, I love the moon because even when it looks like the moon isn’t there, it actually is! Isn’t it nice?Just like the sun._

So it doesn’t go away?

The brightest thing in the sky was still up and shining, as you could see; and the voice that was not your own was still speaking in your silent – but not quiet – head.

_You should paint your white cloud coat._

_Oh? Why do you think so?_

_I like red._

_So would you like to see me with a red coat?_

You look at the sky and imagine what it would be like if every cloud was red, like the flowers the blue vest nurses sometimes left in your room. Just as you think about it the door opens to reveal one of those nurses.

“How are you feeling today, Matsumoto-san?”

If the cloud were red would everything else look red as well? Oh, would the sky be purple instead? And if the sky is purple, then…

“You should paint your vest purple.”

“I can’t do that, Matsumoto-san.”

See, there’s no freedom. She probably knows more than you but she isn’t free either. Neither are the clouds or the stars. Only the moon comes and goes as it pleases.

You should have chosen the moon, in the end.

You hear footsteps so you can only assume that the nurse already left without waiting for you to explain why her vest should be purple instead of blue. And you didn’t answer her question either. _Damn._

_Good afternoon, Takanori-kun! How are you today?_

The voice in your head that’s not your own talks again, this time louder. You want to tell them to stop asking you that, because you don’t know the answer, but you don’t have the words for it, or rather, they won’t come out even if you try.

_Oh, so you’re sky gazing again? May I join you?_

Yes, that would be nice. Then you could share your thoughts on a purple sky with a voice other than your own in your silent – but not quiet – head.

A flash of white appears in your view and you suddenly realize it wasn’t the voice talking to you, it was someone else. You turn your gaze away from the place where light comes to see the person is wearing a white coat. Just like the clouds.

“Are you the voice in my head?”

“Well, maybe? I’ll know if you tell me what the voice said.”

“You asked if I want to see you in a red coat.”

“Yes that was me! Taka, do you really remember it?!”

Remember? So that was it? A memory? You blink one, two, seventy-three times as you search your mind for more. It hurts, it’s supposed to hurt and now it does. You want it to stop, make it stop, you just wanted to talk about the purple sky, make it stop, make it –

You feel white cloud’s arms around you and you want him to stay away at first but it’s warm, it’s warm like the light that comes from the place where light comes, even if you’re not sure whether it’s better or not. “It’s okay, Takanori-kun. Everything is okay.” As he says it the voice in your head that’s your own suddenly tells you that –

“Red is the color of love.”

He pulls himself away and back to the other side of the window. It’s comfortable like this, not better or worse, just… comfortable.

Once again you try looking at him, but you don’t dare looking into his eyes – you don’t know how to do it properly – but you manage to catch an open smile on his lips. You count sixteen of his white cloud teeth and realize that maybe they look better than the sky itself. You feel your cheeks burning for some reason and you touch them with curiosity as the voice in your head that’s your own tells you that _no, not maybe, they do look better than the sky itself._

You didn’t choose to be there, that is very true, but in that moment you feel as free as ever.

“You’re very right, Takanori-kun, red **_is_** the color of love.”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so a few explanations:   
> 1- I work with autistic children and I've been wanting to write something related to what I do for a while now. This is actually quite different, because I obviously can't share my work experience lol but I hope you get the feeling a little.   
> 2- I left it very vague, but Ruki is not a child here. He's an autistic adult with post traumatic stress disorder memory loss, so he doesn't know much of anything. I actually called my boss and asked if PTSD could affect the autism and she said "well start a research and find out on your own" thanks, boss. So I simply decided to go for an "yes" to write Ruki's character the way I wanted to lol. Also, Ruki doesn't know what happened to him, so I can't really say it, but I could write it from Kai's pov if you're curious!   
> 3- If this affects you or someone related to you in a bad way, please let me know immediately, okay?   
> Okay, I think that's it! Let me know what you think!!! And don't forget to send your request, if you have any!   
> ♥


End file.
